Toronto: In my teens and twenties, I didn’t give much thought to how important it was to like the people I worked with. At the time, I was working as a waiter at a restaurant in Toronto and befriending my co-workers was part of the experience. But once I became a university professor and executive educator, I realized the importance of workplace relationships. I know now that workplaces work better when co-workers have good relationships with each other. These findings contrast with the general sentiment that I have observed in my more than 20 years of working with employees, which is based on the belief that it is not necessary to be friends with your co-workers.
While this approach is understandable, it isn’t useful—especially when it comes to working with people you don’t get along with. Types of Friendships in the Workplace Nearly 30 percent of North Americans say they have a best friend at work. The matter of remaining people being regular work friends has come to the fore. It is useful to distinguish between different types of friendship, as not all relationships provide the same benefits. By specifying the types of friendships, and understanding the benefits of each, we can make informed decisions about whether it is worthwhile to invest time in specific relationships. Using past psychological research about the different types of workplace friendships, along with my experience working with thousands of managers and leaders, I have created four friendship categories for the workplace.
1. Workplace best friend. It is a very close friendship with a colleague characterized by personal disclosure. Best friends at workplace have a lot of respect for each other, trust and honesty.
2. Workplace camaraderie. These are close friendships, but not on the best friend level. Most people in these relationships want to remain good friends, even after one person leaves the workplace.
3. Workplace friendly. This relationship has some of the same qualities mentioned above, but is less likely to last beyond work. There is also usually less personal disclosure. In other words, it’s a work friend – the kind of person you have lunch or coffee with.
4. Colleague acquaintance. It refers to a person you see often at work, but your interactions with them are limited to smiling or exchanging brief pleasantries.
benefits of workplace friendships
Friendships in the workplace provide enhanced innovation, psychological security, and feelings of compassion. When employers balance leadership and friendliness with their employees, it encourages the vulnerability, adaptability, and humility that is essential in today’s business environment. Elton Mayo, one of the founders of modern organizational theory, recognized that opportunities for social-emotional bonding in the workplace were important for better functioning.
However, simply sharing information with another person does not provide these opportunities – an emotional exchange is required. Emotional exchange requires being open about one’s feelings and concerns, whereas information exchange does not. Because of these emotional exchanges, friendships in the workplace can be difficult. They require a significant time investment, as well as trust and disclosure, both of which can be challenging for some.
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Which relationships are meaningful?
Making and maintaining friends at work has become very important for people since the start of the pandemic. As remote and blended working become more prevalent, workplace friendships have begun to play an important role in providing essential social and emotional support. The best friend relationship in the workplace provides the most benefits as it provides the most opportunities for emotional exchanges between co-workers. These benefits include increased happiness, productivity and motivation in workers. But maintaining close relationships is difficult and exhausting, which means that these types of relationships are generally rarer than other types.
Close friendships and friendly relationships in the workplace are most likely to provide these benefits without being overly emotionally exhausting or difficult to maintain. Still, it’s important to note that close friendly relationships face the same challenges as best friends at work—namely, a greater risk of personal conflict spilling over into work. Collaborative acquaintance is a type of workplace relationship that does not provide any of the benefits of being friends at work. If you want to get the most out of work, then trying to make friends is your best bet.
friendship does not bear fruit
But what if you have a coworker you really can’t stand? In addition to grinning and tolerating their presence, you can also choose to distance yourself. This may mean trying to distance yourself from the person without affecting your job responsibilities and role. Although avoiding people you dislike can be helpful, doing so at work is often challenging.
In addition, being unfriendly at work – either because it’s too difficult to make friends or because you’re avoiding someone in particular – can make work less enjoyable. Less engaged employees find less meaning in their work and have fewer opportunities for advancement. Not having friends can also lead to high levels of loneliness and isolation, which can eventually make you sick.
a fresh perspective
If you decide to maintain a friendly relationship with a coworker you dislike, there are some strategies you can use to maintain a productive working relationship with them. One of these strategies involves using positive reframing to change the way you think and interpret your coworker’s behavior. Using metaphors to shift your perspective can be a helpful way to accomplish this. A particularly useful metaphor is to compare your co-worker to a book. While reading a book, even if it is enjoyable, there may be parts that you dislike and ignore.
However, you never dismiss the entire book. Applying this metaphor to co-workers can help you highlight the parts about the person you like while leaving out the less desirable parts. It is important to recognize that no one is perfect – inside or outside of work. While there will always be coworkers you don’t care for, it can be empowering to know that with a few tweaks, you can help create a better workplace for yourself and those around you.